I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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