Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
