We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
