I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
