therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
