Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
