fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
