how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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