Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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