Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

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(978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night http://tfl.nu/ky4c

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(248): View more from Michigan

If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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(248): If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in http://tfl.nu/mb19

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(815): View more from Illinois

No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.

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(815): No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official. http://tfl.nu/00ts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

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(952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy

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(970): View more from Colorado

There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

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(970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r

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(931): View more from Tennessee

please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice

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(931): please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice http://tfl.nu/enb2

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(705): View more from Ontario

I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.

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(705): I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler. http://tfl.nu/mskj

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.

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(785): I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail. http://tfl.nu/ahrd

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(785): View more from Kansas

this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

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(785): this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car.. http://tfl.nu/jqo1

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(727): View more from Florida

Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?

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(727): Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now? http://tfl.nu/ch6a

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(310): View more from California

I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.

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(310): I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/ehsm

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(510): View more from California

Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.

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(510): Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious. http://tfl.nu/ftps

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(602): View more from Arizona

Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated

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(602): Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated http://tfl.nu/w4re

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I have major gossip for you.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh no, did you have sex last night?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

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(570): I have major gossip for you. (1-570): Oh no, did you have sex last night? (570): If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited. http://tfl.nu/1upd

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(609): View more from New Jersey

TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help

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(609): TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help http://tfl.nu/xrr6

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