that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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