How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dating After Heartbreak
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT