Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

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(941): View more from Florida

how did the keg end up in the top bunk?

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These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops

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(410): View more from Maryland

I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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(406): View more from Montana

I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09

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(719): View more from Colorado

If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.

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