Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5905) Bad night (921)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...

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  (432): ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today... http://tfl.nu/2fwj
  Replies (11) Good night (2328) Bad night (995)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You're earring is so big in my mouth

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  (832): You're earring is so big in my mouth http://tfl.nu/32xs
  Replies (38) Good night (670) Bad night (3187)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.

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  (317): I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting. http://tfl.nu/kkkr
  Replies (25) Good night (3709) Bad night (2802)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?

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  (360): You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right? http://tfl.nu/c6gn
  Replies (10) Good night (2580) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?

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  (760): Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl? http://tfl.nu/fr90
  Replies (10) Good night (1321) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
  Replies (9) Good night (2007) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.

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  (313): At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/fpxj
  Replies (4) Good night (1392) Bad night (434)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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  (315): Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking. http://tfl.nu/luay
  Replies (7) Good night (1615) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out

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  (580): Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out http://tfl.nu/fusv
  Replies (13) Good night (890) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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  (479): There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell. http://tfl.nu/h1ye
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (488)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  How does this kind of shit happen to you?!

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  (740): I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow. (1-740): How does this kind of shit happen to you?! http://tfl.nu/nrt5
  Replies (6) Good night (1524) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger

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  (248): I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger http://tfl.nu/4bsz
  Replies (8) Good night (546) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical

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  (478): I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical http://tfl.nu/tb5n
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me

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  (405): there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me http://tfl.nu/c4z7
  Replies (4) Good night (629) Bad night (339)

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