Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.