I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina