after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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