Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!

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  (303): I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh! http://tfl.nu/2rr5
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (1261)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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  (614): if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle? (1-614): i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you. http://tfl.nu/6cnp
  Replies (34) Good night (530) Bad night (3818)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

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  (206): imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk. (206): Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy. http://tfl.nu/ynk1
  Replies (21) Good night (6944) Bad night (756)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics

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  (724): Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics http://tfl.nu/hk15
  Replies (69) Good night (4308) Bad night (1504)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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  (941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2
  Replies (11) Good night (5000) Bad night (959)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

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  (214): Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure http://tfl.nu/kj79
  Replies (7) Good night (3365) Bad night (992)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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  (610): I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/pqr9
  Replies (5) Good night (2554) Bad night (1556)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (2728)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.

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  (678): We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k4wd
  Replies (2) Good night (795) Bad night (1420)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

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  (623): Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN." http://tfl.nu/7rib
  Replies (13) Good night (2895) Bad night (1125)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.

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  (612): I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot. http://tfl.nu/caxg
  Replies (3) Good night (757) Bad night (450)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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  (602): They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't. http://tfl.nu/kn7x
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (407)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

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  (312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1
  Replies (2) Good night (1675) Bad night (311)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My vag hurts but I feel vindicated

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  That is an interesting emotion combo

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  (609): My vag hurts but I feel vindicated (832): That is an interesting emotion combo http://tfl.nu/j6ty
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (238)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.

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  (505): I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp. http://tfl.nu/vrdl
  Replies (3) Good night (455) Bad night (181)

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