Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

(817): View more from Texas

Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

(972): View more from Texas

ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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(972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr

Replies (66) Good night (5741) Bad night (1273)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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(617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z

Replies (61) Good night (1152) Bad night (5678)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

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(612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5

Replies (140) Good night (7276) Bad night (1917)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE

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(267): WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE http://tfl.nu/lgwx

Replies (7) Good night (1052) Bad night (577)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together

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(306): We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together http://tfl.nu/varl

Replies (4) Good night (1488) Bad night (822)
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(941): View more from Florida

He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.

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(941): He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward. http://tfl.nu/8plk

Replies (33) Good night (2785) Bad night (972)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey

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(508): He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey http://tfl.nu/jy2i

Replies (9) Good night (1719) Bad night (527)
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(917): View more from New York City

sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.

(917): View more from New York City

that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.

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(917): sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride. (917): that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks. http://tfl.nu/bp4f

Replies (3) Good night (1629) Bad night (582)
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(616): View more from Michigan

My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

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(616): My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break http://tfl.nu/h428

Replies (3) Good night (1967) Bad night (463)
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(530): View more from California

So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"

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(530): So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU" http://tfl.nu/a6ng

Replies (5) Good night (1376) Bad night (522)
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(352): View more from Florida

But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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(352): But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus. http://tfl.nu/k1xi

Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (493)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.

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(402): Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/ippi

Replies (5) Good night (1695) Bad night (536)
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(623): View more from Arizona

My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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(623): My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today. http://tfl.nu/qhq3

Replies (16) Good night (452) Bad night (1198)
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(425): View more from Washington

My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with

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(425): My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with http://tfl.nu/lkbr

Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (446)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas

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(780): I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas http://tfl.nu/5l5x

Replies (6) Good night (607) Bad night (266)

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