Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (114) Good night (24561) Bad night (932)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.

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  (440): Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic. http://tfl.nu/n8qw
  Replies (18) Good night (4692) Bad night (590)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.

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  (201): halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them. http://tfl.nu/b2tk
  Replies (33) Good night (4705) Bad night (756)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

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  (732): yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing" http://tfl.nu/qoaq
  Replies (9) Good night (4329) Bad night (949)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (1594)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

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  (425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party. http://tfl.nu/nzty
  Replies (5) Good night (1726) Bad night (929)
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  (841): View more from

  That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.

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  (841): That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead. http://tfl.nu/kk8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1381) Bad night (739)
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  (310): View more from California

  I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.

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  (310): I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college. http://tfl.nu/x5oz
  Replies (18) Good night (1919) Bad night (519)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night

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  (501): Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night http://tfl.nu/fi5n
  Replies (6) Good night (278) Bad night (732)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (357) Bad night (1264)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.

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  (971): I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day. http://tfl.nu/yn9t
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (254)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.

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  (203): Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached. http://tfl.nu/x9l2
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (380)
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  (818): View more from California

  Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.

  (714): View more from California

  Who cares about New York?

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  (818): Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking. (714): Who cares about New York? http://tfl.nu/z7nj
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (255)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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  (516): She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY. http://tfl.nu/h5mr
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (244)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.

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  (403): I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together. http://tfl.nu/4qd6
  Replies (4) Good night (517) Bad night (552)

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