Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

when does round two start

(703): View more from Virginia

I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.

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