woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
