names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
