yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
