He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
