i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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