Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
