My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize