On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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