pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
