She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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