he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
