I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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