just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
