she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
