The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
