chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
