Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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