Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you never un-have a 4some
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
