I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize