then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
