I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
