Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
