Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
