he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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