how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
