did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
