oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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