I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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