I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
