Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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