He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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