do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
