there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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