I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i out mim tonsoeep
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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