What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
