Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
