When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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