It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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