don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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