I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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