So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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