hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
