..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
