My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
