And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
