I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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