i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
