my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
