he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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