I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
