I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
