Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
