Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
