I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.