I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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