I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.