peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?