I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?