She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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