im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
