Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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