I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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