I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was like having sex with a tree stump
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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