I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
