Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
