Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
