He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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