If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can't motorboat a personality
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
