Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
