there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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