it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
