I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
