You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
