dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
