spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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