I wish I could punch you in the face.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
