Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
